NPD…You Probably Think This Blog is About You…
The term narcissist has been used a lot in the last 8 years. Whether it’s aimed at our former (and future) president, an arrogant ex-partner, or your self-absorbed boss, it may be easy to think anyone who’s rude has been afflicted with narcissism. However, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is actually not as common as pop culture can make it seem. Only about .5%-6% of the general adult population may meet the criteria. However, when you apply that to the entire United States population, it’s still several million people. And if you do find yourself in a relationship with a narcissistic individual, the cost to your mental, spiritual and even physical health can be extremely detrimental. In an age of constant misinformation, it’s important for us to define what NPD really is, what it’s impact is, how it’s treated, and how to break free from the toxic cycle.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
While we often hear the term "narcissism" in casual conversation to describe someone who appears selfish or arrogant, NPD is a more complex and clinically significant condition that goes beyond these superficial traits. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a diagnosable mental health disorder that falls under the category of Cluster B personality disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Individuals with NPD typically have a grandiose sense of their own importance, an intense need for admiration, and a lack of empathy towards others.
People with NPD may appear charming and charismatic on the surface, but their interactions are often driven by a desire to maintain a sense of superiority and control. The disorder develops as a way to offset feelings of inferiority and low self esteem. They can become easily upset if they feel criticized, neglected, or challenged, and they may struggle with maintaining deep, meaningful relationships due to their inability to understand or value the feelings of others.
Key Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
According to the DSM-5, a person with NPD will typically exhibit at least five of the following characteristics:
A grandiose sense of self-importance: Exaggerating achievements or talents, expecting to be recognized as superior even without commensurate accomplishments.
Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love: Often daydreaming about being famous, powerful, or perfect.
Believing they are "special" and unique: They may believe only other high-status individuals can understand them, or they may feel that they are entitled to special treatment.
Requiring excessive admiration: A constant need for validation, praise, and attention, which can make them come across as charming or charismatic initially.
A sense of entitlement: Expecting favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their wishes, and feeling irritated or angry when this doesn’t happen.
Exploiting others: Taking advantage of others to achieve their own goals, often without regard for how it affects the other person.
Lack of empathy: A failure to recognize or care about the feelings or needs of others, making it difficult to form genuine connections.
Being envious of others or believing others are envious of them: A tendency to feel resentful of others' success or to believe that others are jealous of their achievements.
Arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes: An air of superiority that can manifest in condescending or dismissive behaviors.
How NPD Affects Relationships
One of the most significant impacts of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is its effect on personal relationships. People with NPD often struggle to maintain healthy, reciprocal relationships because of their lack of empathy, need for admiration, and tendency to exploit others for personal gain.
Romantic Relationships
In romantic relationships, individuals with NPD may be charming and idealizing at the start, but over time, their loved one may begin to feel neglected, manipulated, or emotionally drained. The narcissistic individual may require constant admiration and validation, making the relationship feel one-sided. When their partner fails to meet their emotional needs or challenges their sense of superiority, the narcissistic person may become defensive, critical, or even punitive. In order to continue their control over a partner, the narcissist may gaslight their partner so that they begin to question their own reality.
A typical pattern in intimate relationships with a narcissist begins with a honeymoon or idealization phase, which evolves into a devaluing stage, and finally moves into contempt and rejection. The narcissist may cast their partner aside and find someone new, or may restart the cycle with the same partner.
Friendships and Family Dynamics
Friendships and family relationships can be similarly challenging. People with NPD often struggle to see others as equals, leading to power struggles and manipulation. This can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration among those around them. If a person with NPD perceives a slight or criticism, they may react with anger, withdrawal, or an attempt to "punish" the other person by cutting them off emotionally. Parents with NPD often see their children as extensions of themselves, unable to recognize their child’s autonomy or uniqueness. Abuse by a narcissistic parent can impair a child’s development of essential interpersonal skills, such as empathy and communication, making it challenging for them to form healthy relationships and navigate social interactions. Children may react by falling into people pleasing patterns or active rebellion.
Workplace Interactions
In the workplace, narcissistic individuals may be skilled at promoting themselves and taking credit for others' work. They may form superficial connections with colleagues to further their own goals, and they may struggle with authority or constructive feedback. Their sense of entitlement might make it difficult for them to collaborate effectively or to accept responsibility for mistakes. On the other hand, some of the traits of narcissism can make people excel in environments where muddied ethics and competition are rewarded.
Treatment and Coping Strategies
Contrary to popular belief Narcissistic Personality Disorder is treatable, and those diagnosed are not doomed to live a life of selfishness. The first step is acknowledging the disorder, which can be a challenge for many people with NPD, as they often see themselves as superior and above reproach. However, with the right therapeutic approach, individuals with NPD can develop more empathy and learn healthier ways to interact with others.
Psychotherapy
The primary treatment for NPD is psychotherapy, specifically cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or psychodynamic therapy. Therapy focuses on helping individuals understand the root causes of their narcissistic behaviors, typically related to childhood experiences, insecurities, or unmet needs. A therapist can help them develop more adaptive coping strategies, build emotional regulation skills, and foster empathy for others.
Coping Strategies for Loved Ones
If you're in a relationship with someone who has NPD, it can be emotionally exhausting and sometimes even dangerous. Here are a few coping strategies:
Set Boundaries: Establish clear emotional and behavioral boundaries to protect yourself from manipulation or emotional abuse.
Seek Support: Talk to a therapist or support group to help you navigate the challenges of the relationship.
Don’t Take It Personally: Understand that the narcissistic person's behavior is not a reflection of your worth; it stems from their condition.
Consider Your Options: Sometimes, the best course of action is to step away from the relationship if it becomes too toxic or harmful to your well-being.
Treating NPD
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a complex and often misunderstood condition. While those with NPD may appear confident and successful, their need for admiration, lack of empathy, and exploitative behavior stem from deep feelings of unworthiness. Therapy and self-awareness can help individuals with NPD develop healthier patterns of thinking and interacting with others, but the journey toward improvement is often long and difficult.
For loved ones, understanding the nature of NPD and setting boundaries is essential for maintaining emotional well-being. If you or someone you know is struggling with narcissistic traits, reaching out to a mental health professional can be an important first step toward understanding and healing.
Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a lengthy and often difficult journey, so it's essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you heal. Remember that the gaslighting you’ve been exposed to has probably caused you to question your own sense of self and your perception of reality. Create a safe and supportive environment, lean on trusted loved ones, and consider seeking therapy to guide you through the process. Though it may be hard to discuss, processing what you've been through can be incredibly helpful for your recovery.
Given the emotional volatility and manipulation common in narcissistic relationships, it's crucial to seek immediate help if you ever feel unsafe. You are never required to endure abuse or to stay in a harmful situation, and you are not obligated to try to fix things. Abuse should never be tolerated, and a therapist can help you internalize that truth until you truly believe it.
